I grew up in San Jose and lived in Fremont for 2 years after graduating college. I’ve driven all over the South Bay for work, and spent a ton of time in San Francisco and Oakland visiting friends. I wouldn’t say that the Bay Area sucks – I will always love the Bay (here are the 8 reasons why I’ll miss it), but I’m also very ready to leave.
However, I understand that some of you reading this article may be considering moving to the Bay Area, so I’ll add some of my insider tips as well.
WHY I HATED LIVING IN THE BAY AREA
THE TRAFFIC IS AWFUL
I also had to drive all over the Bay for my old job, and let me tell you – driving between Palo Alto, Mountain View, Milpitas, and San Jose during peak traffic hours is NOT fun.
And it seems like there’s ALWAYS traffic now – between 7:00-11:00AM and 2:00-8:00PM you can expect delays. It drives (heheh) me freaking nuts. My dad would leave for work around 6/6:30 every morning just so he didn’t have to deal with it.
If you’re planning to move to the Bay Area, you should definitely factor in traffic flow in choosing where to live. It can literally ruin your life. I truly think this is why people in the Bay are always rushing, and often cranky.
Try to find a job that will either let you work remotely, have flexible work hours, ensure your commute is outside of the peak traffic times (I had a short stint working from 11AM-8PM which was awesome), or drive the opposite flow of traffic. Or just be sure you live less than a 5 minute drive from work, ha. I’d highly suggest checking Google Maps at different times of the day, and on different days of the week, before you move there to learn the flow of traffic. Be sure to learn about the location of schools in your neighborhood, too, as that can have a huge effect – aka LOTS of traffic during morning drop off and afternoon pick up.
In general, going from east to west in the South Bay (i.e. San Jose to Cupertino) will have heavier traffic than vice versa. This is because it’s typically cheaper to live in places like San Jose and Fremont than it is to live in Cupertino, but of course many people work at Apple and other companies there. Then you have to factor in Facebook in Palo Alto and Google in Mountain View.
You will also probably get more traffic going north, to San Francisco and Oakland, than going south. There’s a lot less traffic in the summer since kids are out of school, and during any school break.
On the bright side, I got to listen to lots and lots of podcasts!
THE SHITTY PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION
In the South Bay (i.e. San Jose, Santa Clara, Cupertino, etc.) the public transportation SUCKS. Yes, there’s lightrail and all the different buses, but it’s really not the best. I’d LOVE to take public transportation to work, but it would take forever since there’s no direct route – I’d still have to drive part way and change a bunch of buses.
Or I’d love to bike – but according to Google Maps, it would have taken me 2 hours.
And then there’s BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit). I mean, it works, but it’s also kind of the worst. It’s a little pricey and kinda sketchy and smelly. I don’t mind riding it, but I realllly don’t like doing it alone on a weekend night (which I don’t do often, but have done occasionally).
I like Cal Train better than BART. Cal Train feels a bit safer and cleaner, but is also more expensive.
BART runs through San Francisco, the East Bay, and the Peninsula, while Cal Train goes from San Francisco through the Peninsula, ending in the South Bay. (Click for the BART map; click for the Cal Train map)
IT WAS SUCH A HASSLE TO VISIT MY FRIENDS
And when I did have some free time, the thought of sitting through traffic just to see my friends just sounded exhausting (yes, there’s also traffic on weekends!). I often didn’t feel like driving to San Jose or taking Bart to Oakland/SF since I did so much driving and running around during the week.
I used to make a lot more of an effort when I first moved back, but after a while it just felt like a lot of work! I guess that’s also just a part of getting older, and busy with life and whatnot. But still, I’d love to have a community of friends that I didn’t have to sit through an hour of traffic every time I wanted to visit!
THE RUSHING AROUND
I think it might be related to all the traffic? And because it’s expensive to live here, so people are constantly hustling/working side jobs?
I’ve since lived in smaller towns and cities, where life feels a little slower. I really think it’s related to the traffic, and the hustle mentality of people working in startups and long hours to feed their families. I personally liked that vibe a lot better, and enjoyed being able to walk or bike to the nearest grocery store rather than drive.
IT’S VERY CROWDED
[The Bay as seen out the plane window; LOTS of houses and people!]
It feels VERY crowded in the Bay since so many people live in one house/apartment so they can still afford it (because it really is so damn expensive).
Lots of people come here for the jobs, especially in tech (they don’t call it “Silicon Valley” for nothing).
Then there are all the people that grew up here/have lived here before all the BIG tech companies started moving in and are staying because their family/friends live here, like a lot of my high school friends. A lot of my college friends moved to San Francisco because of the allure of the city. And a lot of people live here for the weather!
SUPER EXPENSIVE HOUSING
And this is pretty much the norm, to be honest. I have several friends that still live at home with their parents, and we’re just shy of 30 at this point. I also have plenty of friends that live in shoeboxes in San Francisco, paying $1200 for a tiny room in an apartment with 2 other roommates, or that have just bought houses and are in a considerable amount of debt because of it.
Seriously, the housing prices are RIDICULOUS. The nice thing about that is that everywhere else seems cheap to me now!
If you are looking for a cheap place, there are many Facebook groups you can join to try and find housing. You can usually find cheaper housing in Fremont, Milpitas (although be aware of the garbage dump there – at times it really stinks, earning it the nickname “Smellpitas” although it’s not as bad as it used to be), East Side San Jose (aka ESSJ, where I grew up!), East Palo Alto, Oakland, and parts of Santa Clara and Mountain View. I used a combination of Craigslist and Facebook groups when I was looking for a place. Best of luck to you!
THE URBAN-NESS AND LACK OF NATURE
When I lived in Flagstaff in Arizona, it felt like I was plopped down in the middle of nature. Like a town that was built INTO nature – there were tons of trails right in your backyard. The Bay feels like it was built ONTO it. Idk if that makes sense, but there are just so many freeways and stores and city things.
THE LACK OF SEASONS
It also realllllly pisses me off when it’s warm during the holidays. It should NOT be sunny and 70 degrees!!! At the very least it should be cloudy so I can sit in front of the fire and sip my tea in peace.
And also every single leaf should change color in the fall. I feel like that should be a rule somewhere. We don’t really have a beautiful fall in the Bay Area they do in other parts of the country. It kind of just gets a litttttle cold. That’s it. Maybe some leaves change. But it’s not anything spectacular. If you want to get a real fall experience, you have to drive elsewhere in northern California, the Eastern Sierras (Aspens!), or elsewhere in the mountains.
And I know many other places in the Bay do get colder, like San Francisco, but it still doesn’t ever get THAT cold. Like 50s F. And it still is just kinda rainy/foggy (it’s pretty much always foggy and cold in SF, though, even in summer), nothing too exciting. Side note: did you know the fog in SF is called ‘Karl’? And it has its own Instagram page, @karlthefog? You’re welcome.
I also have plenty of friends who LOVE IT and swear they’ll never leave. So to counteract all the negativity, I also wrote a post on what I loved about living in the Bay Area!
If you lived all your life here and don’t know anything else you may think that it is too much traffic here, too much work and too much hustle
If you like us, spend most of our life in New York and moved here only recently, you would think that this is the most dull, forsaken and boring place to live with a very low life quality and way too liberal treatment of all the ills in this area.
Moving here was the biggest mistake of my life and I deeply regret it. The reason was children and grandchildren but ii turned out a big myth…
I can understand that! I’ve never been to New York, but I think it’s even more go go go there than it is in the Bay. I hope you’re able to move back to NY!
It is useful to read about both sides when moving to some area. I only read positive comments and opinions about SF. I find it very interesting and good to know about the other side of the coin.
Hope it helps! The Bay Area is definitely a great place, but there certainly some downsides. Overall, I’m happy that I left, although it’s nice to come back and visit every once in a while.
Thanks for the read.
I’m a Bay Area native, born and raised. Went away to SoCal for college and came back up for work. My wife is a Bay Area native as well.
It sucks to say it, but we hate the place the Bay Area has become. It is not the charming, ranch style suburbia our parents grew up in, and has evolved significantly during our own life time. The evolution has created a sense of omnipresent disillusionment, and friends we grew up with also share this sentiment. We would move, but I am a business owner and the business is planted here … there is no real remote work option and I would be starting almost from scratch. A lot of people I grew up with have moved away.
You’ve outlined some important things here, but I really want to pull the curtain back for those that are thinking of moving here. Caveat Emptor …
1.) People are flat out rude. People are arrogant. There is blatant intellectual ostentatiousness. There are no manners, and there is no class. Everyone walks around with their head in their phone, there is no please and thank you, no holding the door, no decency or simple acknowledgement when passing by people on the street. Everyone has their hand on their horn before the light turns green, and everyone just seems miserable and seething … it is a “get out of my way” sort of place with no sense of community. Which brings me to my next point …
2.) There is no sense of community. The best way I can describe the Bay Area is it is just like an airport. Everyone is a stranger, everyone is not from here, everyone is looking straight ahead and has no desire to talk to anyone except to get information or directions. Nobody cares about anyone else. It is extremely impersonal, and the people that have moved here from around the world almost intend to want to keep it that way out of convenience.
3.) Big tech has created a sense of oppression. There is so much pressure, stress, and competition to succeed here that is is essentially a sweatshop. People are clawing over each other to climb the ladder. People work around the clock, don’t take vacations, don’t take off weekends, and wear it as a badge of honor. I see young kids in squash classes at the gym who are constantly berated by their parents to get good and do better, and that they’re never going to amount to anything unless they get better, so they better get better. It is a push push push, go go go mentality. There is no rest.
4.) The value of a dollar in the Bay Area has eroded significantly and created a financial headwind preventing any sense of a decent quality of life unless you are a millionaire or independently wealthy. We who grew up here in middle class families were raised with the thought that one day, we can live the way our parents did, or better as a working class. With the cost of housing through the roof and a ballooning population, attaining the same quality of life our parents had is extremely difficult, and for a lot of people it may even be impossible. We all want a single family home in a safe neighborhood, but that is a scarce commodity. Big developers have honed in on ROI, maximized density, and have pushed the propaganda that multi-family as the “housing millennials want”. News flash, it is not.
5.) Crime and homeless are at all time highs. I remember growing up, San Jose was like the 6th safest city in the nation. Now all I hear are sirens, helicopters, and constant unrest. People constantly catch thieves on their surveillance systems stealing packages right off their doorsteps. The streets are absolutely filthy and riddled with garbage, grime, excrement and litter from the outrageously large homeless population living on the sides of the road and highways.
I could go on, but those are the major topics that make me sick about this area. I’m not doing this as to be a negative nancy … I just want to be transparent and straight forward about things. If anyone is thinking about moving here, just stop and consider the above. I wish it weren’t true, but this is sadly the reality of life in the Bay Area.
Yeah, it’s definitely a lot different from when I was younger too. The traffic has multiplied tenfold! I totally agree with the go-go-go lifestyle and lack of community. Sure, there are microcommunities people can get involved in, but the Bay as a whole doesn’t feel very community-oriented. It’s definitely tough living there nowadays (although I do know some people who still love it), but I’m much happier living in a smaller city. I’ll always have a soft spot for the Bay and most of my friends and family still live there, but I don’t see myself ever moving back. I hope you’re able to get out of there at some point, I empathize with you being a business owner. Fingers crossed for you!!
Yes, sadly Chip is correct.
I found your opinion of the Bay Area to be spot-on correct, I lived there for 36 years Foster City, Mt. View, Palo Alto, and San Jose. I thought it was a genuinely unfriendly place and most of the people I met who grew-up there have seldom made any new friends since high school, I loved the food, the fresh produce, and fresh seafood, I loved my many visits to SF, Sausalito, Half Moon Bay(back in the day), Muir Woods, the ocean, and Santa Cruz before it went nuts, and especially Incline Village Lake Tahoe. But, like you sorta said it gets to be a little too much of a royal pain and wears you down. I’m a social person and the Bay Area is a drag with terrible local entertainment.
It sure as hell is not as much fun as Austin, Texas, but Austin’s having a lot of poor traffic planning problems. The Bay Area will rob you of a future unless you make tons of money, and good luck finding good people to date.
Wow, you’ve hopped around quite a bit! There certainly are so many great things about the Bay, including everything you listed above. If I ever move back to CA, I’ll definitely live in Tahoe. So many good memories there! And I agree, it can definitely be difficult to make friends there. It’s so big and everyone is so busy! I hope you’re happier where you live now. 🙂
I feel much better knowing that I am not the one who is tired of all the sun here. I moved vancouver to Santa Clara few years ago.
Oh wow, I can see that! Vancouver’s climate is so different from the Bay. I’m living in Montana now, and love having actual seasons ha. Hoping this upcoming winter is gloomier for you!
Thanks for your post. I moved away from the Bay Area over a decade ago and I often feel nostalgic about it. But then I remind myself what I loved most about the Bay Area was the stuff outside of the city like Napa and the Monterey peninsula.
Some of the things you mention were getting bad before I left but I know it’s gotten worse. I have to remind myself of the reality there. One thing I do remember is getting expensive parking tickets and the lack of parking — how San Francisco was a small city which should have had better public transport and yet we all had cars. I remember the pressure. I remember the lack of eye contact. I remember the whole techie engineering community and the to pressure to get rich to be able to afford the lifestyle. I also remember feeling like I was bored of it and I found it oppressive — like I just wanted to break free! I also remember this kind of parochial vibe — people felt like the Bay Area and California were the only places to live. There was this feeling of superiority about the place. My friends couldn’t understand why I was leaving. I’m not sure if my life is any more exciting now. But I do know there is more to life than good weather! And I totally love the seasons too… I now feel a greater passage of time. Maybe I’m still having to rationalize in my brain why I left but I don’t have regrets, really. I do remember the good parts and that’s what I miss.
I definitely agree with you there! I miss being close(ish) to places like Napa, Bodega Bay, and Tahoe. Yes, parking in SF is wild. I hate driving there and most of my friends that live there sold their cars! But you’re right, there are so many good things about it (and that’s why I wrote the counter post to this article about everything I miss!). But I’ve felt similarly to what you’re describing: wanting to break free and feeling so much pressure and boredom. But I’m so much happier living in a smaller city now, and hope you are too! 🙂
I left San Jose 30 years ago, and don’t regret it one bit. It was expensive to live there in the 1990’s, seems 100 times worse now. I don’t hate the Bay Area, I just hate what it’s become, and it’s sad. I grew up in San Jose, when there were still fruit orchards scattered about. You don’t see them in the city anymore. It’s become too crowded, too dirty, and too expensive. When your public servants can’t even afford to live there (teachers, police officers, firefighters) you’ve get a serious problem.
I would have loved to see the fruit orchards, I bet that was beautiful! But I agree, I don’t regret leaving at all. I miss family and friends, but for the most part, that’s about it. Definitely don’t miss how crowded and expensive it is. Hope you’re loving where you live now!
I didn’t mean to provide my full name in my previous comment. How can I change it to “Beth?”
Hi Beth, I just deleted your last comment with your full name. Here’s your original comment:
I moved to San Francisco 11.5 years ago from Western NY and much of the time I’ve been completely enchanted while struggling to survive. This place offers a very strange set of dichotomies: Incredible natural beauty of the Bay, the ocean, the beautiful architecture, the beautiful cultural diversity, the rich arts communities, the creativity, the accessibility…these were all absolute marvels to me. I was bewitched by sitting at a bus stop in the Mission at 1am, by myself, and delighting at a random mariachi marching band walking by. The climate…THE CLIMATE! Omg I so love the weather here. So moderate. SO much sunshine compared to where I’m from.
Everything is relative.
There are still many thing I love about living here but I’m way past the honeymoon phase and considering my next move to someplace friendlier, cleaner, safer, and less expensive.
Out of the country
I think “completely enchanted while struggling to survive” describes the SF experience for so many people! While it sure is beautiful, I enjoy visiting but I also wouldn’t want to live there for the reasons you listed. I hope you find your dream home, wherever that may be!
I moved to the Bay Area six months ago and I have hated every minute of living here. I find that this area is very unforgiving. The Bay shows no mercy to anyone. You really have to want to be here and be willing to make sacrifices. The people here seem so miserable and upset. I have experienced a ton of hostility from others including dirty looks for holding the door open for them. I’m from the south, so I’m used to friendliness. I experienced a bit of a rude awakening upon relocating here. I also find that a lot of the people who have lived in the Bay for most of their lives are quite ignorant. They believe that California is like a Mecca and have preconceived notions about other states. It’s like they forget that there’s a whole other world outside the bay that has a lot more to offer.
I was lured here under false pretenses. I’m trying to get out of here. Being stuck in the Bay Area would be my worst nightmare!
Hi Peter I’ve lived in the Bay Area most of my life, and I can see how you feel. Maybe I’m not the most friendly person, but I try to be friendly, and I don’t know what it’s like in other areas. Maybe people here really are not that friendly. It’s so rushed and impersonal. When I think about moving elsewhere, I can only think that I don’t know anyone elsewhere, so where would I go? I used to stay partly because I loved San Francisco so much, but that has changed drastically with drugs and homelessness and crime, and tech has changed the atmosphere of the Bay Area altogether. This is not the Bay Area I grew up with. It makes me sad to hear opinions like yours. People used to want so much to live here.
Blessings on you, Peter. I hope you get out and find a place you love.
She’s totally right. The Bay Area suckkkkkkssss. Ugh. The people are entitled, the traffic is awful, and super expensive. When I moved here in 2003, it was still quirky. Now it’s just vapid tech assholes in their Teslas driving up the cost of living. And, I married a 4th generation native, so I’m pretty much stuck here for the rest of my life. After 20 years here, it still doesn’t feel like home.
From a long-time Bay Area resident, (San Francisco and the Peninsula), I totally get your feelings about living here. But PLEASE LEAVE OFF with the “Karl the Fog” shit. Some A-hole that doesn’t belong here started that. The fog is FOG, that is all. It makes the Bay Area what it is. It can be lovely and it can be depressing, but it does not need to be named, and whoever named it “Karl” can please go back to wherever they came from.
It is too dry and tofoxtail. The light reflects off everything. I can’t wear enough hats, long sleeve sunshirts, sun gloves, long pants, sun screen, more sun screen, dark sunglasses. There is no shade. I can’t drink enough water. The whole place is a migraine waiting to happen. And that is in even the small towns. And foxtail grass everywhere. I am visiting relatives – I can hardly wait to get back to outside of Atlanta where we have lovely wet heat and shade. And no foxtail burrs.